Friday, August 15, 2008
Who's Gonna Save My Soul?
Admittedly i'm a little late, but watching this video inspired the following train of thought so do yourself a favor and get on track.
The moment of clarity that follows a breakup is never as poignant or as stripped from emotion as this is, and i suppose that is what makes them so difficult. The task of melding your individuality with another is trying in itself but having to sever those ties prematurely or, worse still, after complacency has set in is a humbling experience. Having played both sides of the fence, I can say with a fair bit of confidence that it's easier to initiate a breakup, the tricky part is that initiating the breakup and the end of the relationship rarely take place simultaneously.
As the video illustrates, once the relationship is "officially" over issues ranging from the ownership of an individual's heart or the boundaries of this newly formed friendship are yet to be prescribed and as such it is a confusing time. However, it can also be the time that allows us the greatest insight into how and why the relationship worked in the first place in addition to granting the opportunity for self reflection..the wondering "where did it go wrong" or the more toxic "what did I do wrong."
Cee-lo said in the Goodie Mob days that titles are limitations, living and learning are our only obligations...but when such an emphasis is placed on a title and that title is revoked you are left with nothing but limitations. Some can get caught up in the shuffle of regulating their emotions or reacting to their counterpart, and while emotion is fresh they can stumble through life much like a heart on a dinner plate unaware that both parties may be equally distressed.
Now that i'm good and into it, the question that needs to be asked is so what?
Relationships come to an end all the time but the point is that often times we carry with us the baggage of those relationships (see: Erykah Badu "Bag Lady"), unaware that luggage has been quietly shifting positions in the overhead bin while soaring through life. The emotional ties we develop are always retained in some form or fashion, and show themselves in different ways but acknowledging their presence and adjusting to them are paramount if we're to make it out of life alive. Some react with "passive aggressive contention" towards those we claim to love, and others cling onto more tangible remedies like polite bi-annual phone calls (on those shitty days, or to lift heavy things). No matter though, the first step is coming to grips with where you stand on the relationship and learning from the experience.
Remember that with those limitations gone, living and learning are your only obligations.